theyellowbrickroad:

what doesnt kill you may cause bleeding or nausea

chekhov:

Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/

lameborghini:

u think im paying attention to what ur saying but really im just staring at u and thinking about pancakes

dilclo:

when she texts first <3

kushangel:

i just said hi to someone and they didn’t hear me i’m never trying that again

gooutfighting:

if ur ever feeling embarrassed just remember i simultaneously burped and farted while giving a speech infront of my whole year level 

male-tragedy:

Hello 911 yes I’d like to report a crime
This bitch nigga didn’t reblog my selfie.

internet-slang:

I don’t want any ifs, ands, or butts. Actually wait, I want butts. Butts are nice.