Bitch shake that ass on my dick woo woo swag

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

the-dick-lord-levi:

So we have an Italian exchange student at our school. And he and I were hanging out and he saw a pony, and he tried to show me but he didn’t know what it was called so he just pointed at it and said “Look, the compressed horse.” 

And then he just grinned at his complete understanding of the English language.  

  • college: Why should we accept you
  • me: *raps the entire verse of anaconda and laughs nicki's nasty laugh flawlessly*
  • college: damn son you in
Anonymous:

Why do you want to be a comedian?

bewbin:

the free stool with a glass of water on it 

disposable-spleen:

To get that hairdo surgically removed, I hope

mangomamita:

also this is my favorite vine


  • Baby: m..m..m-
  • Mother: memes?
  • Baby: mama
  • Mother:
  • Mother: that's not gonna get me any notes you little disappointment

ladyredsama:

midbloods:

does anyone else realize how gross that paint would look though? I mean that shit’s gonna blend together instantly unless you meticulously wash your brush after each stroke. And then you’ll end up being a sad artist with paint the color of leprechaun diarrhea.

oh my god

prostitourettes:

no kissing emoticon before marriage